


It's okay to cry

by Eversincefiveboys



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Crying, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hogwarts Era, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 05:09:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13451217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eversincefiveboys/pseuds/Eversincefiveboys
Summary: "I like Remus?" Sirius asks, and as he says it he starts to realise that maybe he does, because he really can't say I don't like Remus. "I like Remus.""Yeah, you do, mate," James says, still looking very confused. Sirius is mirroring his expression. "I mean, I think you do. Did you not realise this before?"Sirius shakes his head. "I've never thought about it. I guess just because Remus and I have always been, us you know?" James nods. He knows.OrIn which Sirius is bad at dealing with emotions and learns it's okay to cry. And he finds out he likes Remus, like that.





	It's okay to cry

**Author's Note:**

> This is my frist ever Sirius/Remus fic. It was just a story that was in my head for a while and I realised I haven't posted fanfic in forever I thought I'd post this. The idea came from the line in Ed Sheeran's song New York: "And it's okay to cry but I'm saying maybe that's a waste of water" (not that the fic has anything to do with the song but anyway). 
> 
> (Please let me know if you spot any mistakes!)

Sirius takes a deep breath after McGonagall dismisses the 5th year transfiguration class. He doesn’t pack his bag as quickly as possible like he normally does, and James waits next to him while the class empties loudly.  
“Good luck, I’m sure it’ll be fine,” James says as he claps Sirius’ shoulder before heading  for the door. He’ll wait for the other boy in the corridor, this is something Sirius needs to do alone.

“Mr Black?” McGonagall asks when she notices he is, very unusually, the only student left in the class room.  
“Yes, professor, er… I’d like to ask you something,” Sirius replies, his voice shaking more than he’d like. He isn’t used to asking McGonagall something, he is used to pretending he isn’t guilty of the prank he’s just pulled with his friends. He is used to pulling his most innocent face, trying to get out of detention. He certainly isn’t used to being polite and extremely serious with her, trying to ask something he really wants – no, needs - the answer to be yes to.

McGonagall seems to notice the difference in his voice and doesn’t pull her usual ‘i-don’t-want-to-deal-with-your-bullshit’ face, but has a look on her face that very much resembles the one she carries when it is close to full moon and Remus is sitting pale and quiet in her transfiguration class.

She walks up to the desk he’s sitting at and nods at him, telling him to go on.

“Well, it’s about-“ Sirius begins and notices his voice is shaking even more than before. He hates this. It’s not that he is scared of McGonagall, or even of her answer, it’s the fact that he hates talking about this topic. He hates talking about his family and how he isn’t part of it. Even though he does not want anything to do with people who have the words ‘mudblood’  and ‘blood traitors’ in their standard vocabulary, he still doesn’t like the fact that his own family despises him. He takes a gulp of air and starts again.

“It’s about the parent-teacher evening next week,” he manages to say, even though his voice still sounds very unlike his usual voice.

“Yes,” professor McGonagall nods again, and Sirius has a feeling she might know where this is heading. “Please go on.”

“Well, I- I’m sure you know my current home situation isn’t very…” he runs a hand through his hair trying to find the right word, and settles on “… pleasant.”

“I am aware, yes,” McGonagall answer carefully, her voice sounds a lot warmer than it usually does when she is directing it at Sirius.  
“Well, what I was thinking, see,” Sirius rattles, not really knowing how to word what he wants to say. “Is that my parents most likely do not want to come speak about me, well I’m actually sure of it as I got a letter saying they don’t want to. And since I’m planning on staying with James and his parents for all the future holidays – nothing is officially arranged yet but his parents told me they were very happy to have me and I think by this summer I will be gone from my house forever – I was wondering if maybe Mr and Mrs Potter could fill in for my parents on that evening. And maybe all future evenings. I mean I know I’m not exactly their official son or anything, but I’m basically as good as and I know a parent or legal guardian is expected to be there. And they’re not legal – not yet – but I was just thinking that maybe you could make an exception this time?” Sirius doesn’t know if he’s made clear what he’s wanted to say with all this rattling, but he isn’t very good at serious conversations and showing his feelings is not something he has ever excelled at, so he hopes McGonagall understands. Her expression shows she does, her eyes have a certain warmth within them and her lips are turned in a sympathetic smile.

“I think maybe I can, Sirius,” she says, and Sirius doesn’t believe his ears. He can’t help the smile that is creeping up his face.

“Really? Thanks so much I-“  McGonagall holds up her hand before Sirius can finish his sentence.

“However,” she continues and Sirius feels his heart sink, he’d been happy too soon. “I need to speak with the Headmaster – whom I’m sure will not stand in the way of this – and also with Mr and Mrs Potter, of course.” She looks sad when she says this but Sirius is more than relieved.

“Oh! I forgot to mention!” Sirius says hastily, feeling stupid, “I’ve spoken to the Potter’s via owl – I correspond with them regularly – and Mrs Potter was the one who came up with this idea in the first place. I would’ve never suggested this without talking to the Potters about it first.”

McGonagall smiles at him, a warm smiles and Sirius thinks he notices something in her eyes that he can only classify as relief, but he can’t imagine a reason why McGonagall would be relieved about this.

“That’s wonderful to hear,” McGonagall smiles a genuine smile at him. “Then I’m sure it’s all sorted. Of course I still need to talk to the headmaster and check with the Potters, but these are just formalities.” Sirius breathes out a shaky breath, not allowing himself to be too happy about what he just heard just because something like this cannot be true. He can’t stop his lips from forming a smile, however, and when he says “thanks” it sounds a lot more like his usual voice. He smiles once more at his transfiguration teacher and then gathers his books and bag before heading to his friends.

“And?” James asks as soon as Sirius exits the classroom and before he can see his friend’s smile. As soon as he notices Sirius expression though, he lets out a yelp of glee and pulls Sirius into a hug. Sirius just nods in his shoulder, somehow he can’t form any words and it seems like there’s something stuck in his throat.

Remus and Peter are standing behind James, and Sirius locks eyes with Remus when he looks at them from his position in James’ arms.

“That’s amazing. You realise you’re now as good as part of James’ family, right?” Remus says. And Sirius does realise it, and it does something to his eyes so he has to pull out of his hug with James and wipe at his eyes. He tries to ignore his friends’ gazes and that’s why he misses that he is not the only one showing emotion. Sirius doesn’t cry, that’s just something he doesn’t do, so he shrugs his shoulder and smiles again.  
“I’ll write to your parents tonight to thank them again,” Sirius says, nodding at James. James raises his eyebrows.  
“Our parents, you mean,” he says with a grin. And before Sirius can be overwhelmed with emotions again, Remus puts a hand on his shoulder and urges him to start walking towards the common room.

 

 

The next few days it is obvious to Sirius’ friends that he is in a happier mood than they’ve seen him in a long while. Remus notices it in everything Sirius does. It is as if he shines a little brighter, as if he is a little more present in the room – almost too much sometimes – and he hopes it’ll stay for a while. Sirius deserves a happy break. Although he never speaks much about it to his friends, at least not to Remus, Remus knows that Sirius isn’t indifferent about how the Black family treated him. It was clear that he didn’t agree with their views and he didn’t like to be associated with them, but it was difficult for him to basically be disowned. Two months ago, on the Hogwarts express, it was obvious that Sirius had experienced a difficult summer. It looked more like _he_ had recently experienced a full moon night instead of Remus. He had been paler than usual, dark shadows under his eyes and even his hair which usually had a beautiful shine on it was dull. It seemed like he had lost a considerable amount of weight, and all Remus had wanted to do the first second he’d spotted him on the platform was hold him and never let him go back to that house where he wasn’t welcome, where people were so terrible to him that instead of looking like he had a good summer he looked like he had battled a serious disease. When his concerned friends had asked him how his summer had been, Sirius had shrugged. “Gets worse every year,” he’d said and tried to pull off an indifferent tone, but Remus could hear the pain underneath it.

“You cannot go back there, ever,” he had said firmly before he realized he had opened his mouth. To his surprise, he saw James and Peter nodding.

“Right,” Sirius had said, sending him a dark look. “Where am I supposed to go then? Hogwarts closes over the summer.” Remus had wanted to offer Sirius to come live with him during the holidays, but he knew it was impossible as he shared a tiny two-bedroom house with his mum and knew there wasn’t enough space to host someone else. He also knew his mum had enough worrying to do with Remus turning into a werewolf once a month in the cellar. And although he knew Sirius was a good person and could be calm if needed, he liked his mischief and he wouldn’t have that freedom in the tiny house with the Lupin family. Luckily, James had answered immediately. “You stay with me of course!” Sirius had looked happy at the thought but he had shrugged again, mumbling things along the lines of not wanting to be too much trouble.

“You stay with me for three weeks every summer already anyway,” James pushed Sirius’ protests aside. “What’s the difference between that and all the time? And my mum and dad make way too much food at Christmas anyway, so you might as well be there to help eat it all.” While Remus had gone off to fulfill his prefect duties, James and Sirius had kept on talking about Sirius living with James, and by the end of the train journey it was pretty much established. James and Sirius had written to the Potters that night and the reply came two days later, saying that as of now, Sirius was as much part of the family as James was.

Sirius had been visibly happy about it, but since he was at Hogwarts nothing much had changed yet. Now with the parent-teacher evening coming up, it is clear that to him becoming part of the Potter family is becoming reality.

Remus loves seeing Sirius this happy, but he is worried that the boy is too happy too suddenly, and something will make him fall down and maybe it will not be easy to get up.

When Sirius receives a letter at breakfast three days after speaking with McGonagall, Remus tenses next to him. He hopes desperately that it isn’t a letter from the Blacks, because he really does not need that right now. He looks at the envelope Sirius removes from the leg of the grey owl.  
“Oi!” Sirius swats at the owl, which starts nibbling on a piece of toast on Remus’ plate. Sirius looks at Remus with a guilty expression, “Sorry, don’t think he knows that he’s supposed to eat my toast, not yours.”

“Ah, like you, you mean,” Remus smiles and Sirius pokes him in the ribs in reply, even though it is true, Sirius does always steel Remus’ food. But Remus doesn’t mind in the slightest. “Who’s the letter from?”

“James’ pa-“ Sirius starts to reply but James shoots him a firm look. “I mean ours… mine?... I guess. Well, Mr and Mrs Potters anyway.” Remus can see a blush appear on Sirius neck but he doesn’t comment on it. He makes eye contact with James instead, and James has a look on his face that Remus can feel reflected on his own.  
“Oh, good,” he smiles at the boy beside him who has started opening his letter. He is really tempted to lean over and press a kiss in the shiny and soft dark brown wavy hair, but he reminds himself that that is not a casual thing friends do. Sirius reads the letter and then looks up at his friends.  
“They told me they have been in contact with McGonagall and everything is sorted for next week!” he looks so happy, Remus doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone so excited about a parent-teacher evening.

“What about your parents – the Blacks I mean?” asks Peter, his voice demonstrating that he is trying to be tactful but failing.

“what about them?”

“Well, I  mean what if they show up for the parent-teacher evening and then the Potters are there. I just mean have you told them you don’t need them there?” Remus thinks that Peter’s question actually makes a lot of sense, as the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. To his left, Sirius laughs.

“It’s awfully nice of you to care, Peter,” he says, “but the Blacks have told me repeatedly over the summer that I am not their son anymore, and that they will not be responsible for me. I am very certain they have no intention of showing up.”

 

 

It happens a week after Sirius has asked McGonagall if the Potters can stand in for his parents at the parent’s-teacher evening. Sirius and Remus are walking side by side with James and Peter right behind them. The four of them are making their way to Monday night’s dinner, hoping to catch it early as James and Sirius have Quidditch practice soon after.

“So, Moony dear, please explain to me why you have been spending the day in the library again while we could have been planning a very exciting prank,” Sirius says with the happy tone in his voice that has been there for a solid week now. Although Remus loves listening to Sirius voice no matter what tone it has, he loves knowing that Sirius is happy enough to let it shine through in everything he says.

“I’ve told you, I need to catch up on the work I missed during the last moon,” he replies, thinking of the two essays he still needs to write. The moon had been bad, and his recovery had taken a day longer than usual, which meant a whole extra day of missing lessons and catching up. Sirius rolls his eyes, but keeps the smile on his face. He knows Remus cares about his work, he just likes to bother him about it. Remus has learned that much over the past five years he’s been friends with Sirius.

“I don’t get it. You’ve got the perfect excuse to just skip some work sometimes. I mean, the headmaster _knows_ and can just tell everyone that you have a perfectly valid reason! Why don’t you use that?” he says, shoving Remus’s side playfully.

“Because, unlike you, I have a conscious that tells me I can’t use my condition as an excuse, I just have to live with it. Of course, your condition of being an idiot is very different from mine,” he replies and flicks his finger against the side of Sirius’ head. Sirius pulls a pretend hurt face and clutches his chest “Ouch, you hurt me, Moony.”

“Aw, did I step on your tail, Padfood?” Remus answers and both of them burst out laughing. They round the steps leading to the great hall, giving them a perfect overview of the entrance hall. Remus stops laughing as he spots two people he really doesn’t want Sirius to see, so on instinct he grabs Sirius shoulder and spins him around roughly, making him bump into Peter.

“Ouch! What was that for?” Sirius exclaims and rubs his shoulder, raising his eyebrows and awaiting an explanation. Remus looks over at James, who shoots him a look that says he has also seen the two people in the entrance hall.

“Er-“ Remus mumbles, not really knowing what to say as he hasn’t exactly thought this plan through. “Just realized I forgot something in the dormitory and you all have to come with me to get it.” It is a stupid excuse, he knows Sirius won’t fall for it.

“Everything okay, Remus? “Sirius asks, concern shining through in his voice. Remus can’t help but think how lucky he is to have a friend like Sirius who cares so much that even when he is obviously lying he doesn’t get angry, he just wants to know what’s wrong. Remus swallows, no, nothing is okay because he needs to get Sirius out of here and quickly. He shakes his head.

“No, please come with me,” he says and grabs Sirius’ arm, starting to walk back. Sirius follows willingly, his face filled with worry. Just as he reaches the corner and thinks he’s saved Sirius from serious heartbreak, it happens.

 

There’s a voice from downstairs. It’s not loud, but Sirius would recognize it anywhere. It makes his blood run cold, he can feel his face going white and his jaw clench. His mother. At Hogwarts. In the entrance hall. He can’t make out what she is saying, but he recognizes her high, cold voice. He shakes off Remus’ hand on his arm and turns around, walking quickly to the place on the stairs which gives him an overview of the entrance hall. It’s busier than usual. There are a lot of adults talking to their children, and Sirius realizes that today is the third year parents-teacher evening. He stands frozen, dumb-struck, feeling extremely stupid that in all his happiness of the past week he had completely forgotten that his younger brother was not disowned. He tries to swallow the lump in his throat away, but it doesn’t work. He doesn’t realise he is holding the banister with both of his hands until there’s a sharp pain shooting through his left hand because he is splintering the wood. At that moment, he spots his mother. She is standing in front of Regulus, a hand on his shoulder and facing the stairs. Her cold eyes flicker upwards and connect with Sirius’ for less than a second. She pretends she hasn’t seen him as she continues her conversation with her younger son. Sirius knows he should move, knows he should not torcher himself by watching this. But he can’t. He can’t move. He wants his mother to look at him and to at least show some sign of recognition. She does look up again, and this time they have eye contact for longer. But instead of noticing him, she stares as if she can see right through him and is focusing on the wall behind him. He catches part of what she is saying, and his heart stands still for a moment. “…proud of you, our only son…”  Her eyes are still connected with his, but her words are directed at Regulus. Sirius feels cold to the bone, he doesn’t know why those words affect him so much. He has never felt at home in the Black family, he has never agreed with their views towards half-bloods or muggleborns, he has never felt more relief than every September 1st when he takes his place on the Hogwarts express and goes home. He has never been happier knowing that James’ parents want to basically adopt him. But still the words hurt. It feels like he is punched in the face with an iron fist. He feels his eyes sting, his chest hurt and he feels cold.  
There’s an arm on his shoulder, turning him away from the scene in front of him, gentle but determined. He looks up and sees Remus looking at him with an expression he can’t quite place. Hurt, or maybe just emotion, and Sirius knows he is lucky to have found friends who feel so deeply for him.

“Come on, we’re going back to the dormitory. James and Peter are getting us some food and they’ll meet us there.” Sirius feels so relieved that he doesn’t have to say anything, that he doesn’t have to explain that he can’t possibly go to the great hall right now. His eyes are still stinging and he doesn’t really know why. He never cries. He can’t cry. It has been drilled into him as a child that crying is a sign of weakness. And no matter how hard he has tried to defy the family and their traditions and ways, somehow he cannot get over this. It is true in general though, boys don’t cry, do they? So why should he?

“Thanks,” Sirius says when they arrive in the common room after a quiet journey through the hallways, Remus’ arm tightly around his shoulder.

“Anytime, Padfoot.” He releases his arm from Sirius shoulder when they get to the stairs to the dormitory, and Sirius immediately misses the familiar warmth.

 

 

Remus wakes up from an unfamiliar sound filling the dormitory. It’s a soft sound, irregular breathing and someone sniffing. It takes him a while to recognize it as muffled sobs, coming from Sirius bed. Remus sits up immediately. He has never heard Sirius cry before. He’s seen the others cry, James and Peter, but never Sirius. He thought Sirius was just one of those people who never really cries, who outs their sadness in other ways, through anger for example. He doesn’t have to wonder why Sirius is crying, although he seemed alright after their dinner in the dormitory. He had been a bit quieter than usual but he’d gone to Quidditch practice with James and went to sleep at the same time as the others. Remus hesitates for a second. He wants to comfort Sirius and tell him everything is going to be alright, but he doesn’t know if Sirius wants that right now. He chooses to let Sirius decide and makes his way over to the four-poster to his left. He pulls the red curtain aside. “Sirius?” he whispers and he sees Sirius freeze. “It’s okay. I heard you, and I just wanted to let you know that I-I’m here if you need me… or someone to talk to… or something.” Remus feels awkward, he doesn’t really know what to say, and Sirius is not looking at him. His head is buried in the pillow, his dark hair moving with every muffled sob. Remus waits, and it seems hours before Sirius moves. Very slowly, he turns over to where Remus is standing. Even though it is dark in the room and the only light is coming from the half moon outside, his puffy red eyes are visible. Remus has never seen Sirius like this before. He looks so vulnerable, so broken, so… defeated.

“I...,” he starts but he can’t say more than that as another sobs escapes him. Remus hushes him and sits down on the edge of the bed.  
“You don’t have to say anything. Move over,” he tells him. Sirius moves willingly but doesn’t stop crying. Remus settles in next to him, lying down so that he is facing Sirius. He brushes his hand against Sirius’ cheek in an attempt to clear some tears away. Sirius looks at him but doesn’t say anything. Then Remus wraps his arms around the broken boy and hugs him as tightly as possible. He knows that if Sirius doesn’t want this, he’ll tell Remus to go. But instead, Sirius buries his head against Remus’ shoulder and lets himself cry. They don’t talk, but stay in this position until they both fall asleep, Sirius’ sobs turning into quiet, steady breathing against Remus’ shoulder.

 

 

Sirius wakes up with his head still pressed in Remus’ shoulder. It’s warm and soft and he doesn’t want to get up. He knows the alarm clock is going to go off any second though, he can tell by the light streaming in through the window, and he wonders if Remus minds the others finding them like this. At the moment, Sirius doesn’t mind. He likes lying like this. He feels safe and warm and loved, he doesn’t want to leave this place. He realizes it might not be exactly normal to think this when waking up next to your friend like this. However, he doesn’t mind. It’s Remus, and it’s him. They have more physical contact than he has with his other friends, now that he thinks about it. He hugs Remus more often that he hugs Peter or James, he holds onto his arms or sometimes they even hold hands as a joke. He’s always thought he did this because Remus needed it, because Remus sometimes thought he was a monster and Sirius needed to show him that he definitely wasn’t. He always thought that was it, that he needed to show Remus that he was loved. But yesterday night was different. Remus had come to _him_ , Remus hadn’t asked anything and had just held him. Although he would probably never admit it, it had been exactly what Sirius needed. He doesn’t know what made him cry, he never cries, but suddenly he was crying and thinking of all the horrible summers spent at that awful house in London with those awful people who have kicked him out of the family. And he’s supposed to be happy that he isn’t in the family anymore but it hurt so much when his mother had straight up ignored him, pretended he wasn’t there. And that thing she’d said, _only son_ , to Regulus hurt more than it should’ve.

He sighs softly and knows if he doesn’t want the others to notice that Remus is in his bed he needs to wake the boy up now. He frees his hand from where it is pressed against his chest and Remus’. Softly, trying not to startle him, Sirius brushes Remus’ cheek.

“Wake up, Moony,” he whispers very quietly and brushes his hand against Remus’ cheek a couple more times. Remus stirs slightly, opening his eyes and then closing them again, before fully opening them and looking at Sirius.

“Morning, Padfoot,” he whispers, his voice sounding hoarse even in a whisper. They’re so close together, Sirius can’t remember ever in his life being this close to someone. It doesn’t make him uncomfortable, he likes it.

“Morning,” he answers and playfully nudges the other boy’s leg with his own.

“Sleep okay?” Remus asks. He is brushing his hand against the hair in Sirius neck and if Sirius were a cat he’d start purring right about now. He nods.

“Yeah, thanks to you,” he says it before he can stop himself and feels a blush appear on his cheeks. Remus smiles.

“Glad to be of service.” He brushes his hand against Sirius hair a couple more times and then starts to untangle himself from Sirius. “You’d like me out of your bed before the others wake up, wouldn’t you?’ He doesn’t sound hurt or rejected, just understanding. Sirius nods but smiles, trying to say how thankful he is for Remus comforting him last night without having to say it in words. He thinks Remus understands, because he smiles in a way that says he hopes Sirius is okay now. Remus makes his way over to his own bed just in time. The dormitory alarm clock goes off as soon as he sits down on his four-poster.

 

“Are you alright, Sirius?” James asks when the four of them are awake and dressed, putting on their shoes. He looks at his best friend with a piercing look of concern, and Sirius nods, wondering why James is so worried. “I mean I heard you crying last night and I wanted to ask whether you were okay but Remus went to check just that moment, and I sort of fell back asleep.” James looks a bit ashamed of himself, as if he shouldn’t have fallen back asleep when his best friend was crying. Sirius is horrified. He didn’t think anyone besides Remus had heard him cry. He didn’t want anyone to know that he cried, not even James. He is a boy, he is a wizard, he doesn’t _cry_ , especially not about stupid things like family drama. He knows James can read the horror on his face, because he looks at him with a puzzling expression on his face.

“You know none of us care that you _cried_ , right? I just wanted to check if you were okay,” he says gently. Sirius shakes his head. He feels awful, as if he is guilty of doing something horrible. He shouldn’t have cried, now his friends know he is weak.

“How can you not care? None of you ever cry,” Sirius shrugs, trying to sound a lot more casual than he feels.

“None of us have to deal with the family issues you have,” Peter points out wisely, while tying up his shoe laces. “Besides, it’s not true, I cry all the time.” He shrugs and looks up at Sirius, who now has an expression of disbelief on his face.

“No, you don’t! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry,” he says, searching his memories for a crying Peter but he can’t find one.

“That’s because you weren’t in the same Ancient Runes class as me, I’ve had to hide in a broom closet so many times after getting work back. I hate getting bad marks,” Peter explains. Sirius wonders how Peter can be so comfortable talking about it. Doesn’t he feel like it’s making him weak, when he cries? Doesn’t he know boys aren’t supposed to do that?

“It’s different,” is all he can say in reply, because he just doesn’t know how to reply to that.

He catches James’ eyes again, who’s looking at him with that same questioning look again.

“You don’t think it’s okay for you to cry,” he says, not judging or disapproving, only establishing a fact. Sirius shakes his head.

“It’s not,” he replies.

“It is, though! You’re not alone. Peter just told you he cries. I cry, too,” James says, taking his glasses off and cleaning them on his robes. “I cried a couple of times after a bad Quidditch match, and when I got really hurt, I cry when I’m in pain. I’ve also cried a few times after Lily has really badly rejected me.”

“I remember the ones after the Quidditch matches and the times you got hurt,” Sirius nods.

“See, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Of course I don’t love crying and I still am ashamed a little bit every time it happens. But it’s only human,” James says, putting his glasses back on.

“But… did you guys not learn at home that you shouldn’t cry, that it’s a sign of weakness and that especially boys don’t cry,” Sirius blurted out, not understanding how his friends can be so calm about this. Frustrated, he runs a hand through his hair, untangling some of the knots that formed overnight.

“No, not really,” James shakes his head at the same time Peter says “of course not” and Remus says “no”. Sirius looks at his three friends all staring at him with an expression of concern and care. He is once more confronted with what a different childhood he has had and how that sometimes makes him understand things in other ways.

“Oh,” he says. “So all of you cry?”

“Sure,” Remus says from where he’s sitting on his bed. “I cry a lot. At least once every month, before the full moon and sometimes after.”

“What, why?” Sirius asks. He feels stupid he doesn’t know this about his best friend, about the boy who comforted him while he was crying. He had never comforted Remus before, not like that. He wishes he’d known, he wishes he could’ve been there for him.

“It’s the same every time, I just really don’t want to go through it all. And the realization that I’ll never be different, I’ll never get better. I’ll just always stay a monster once a month. And it just makes me upset,” Remus explains. He seems quite calm talking about it like this, and Sirius wonders if he can ask Remus to next time let him know, so he can hold him like Remus did for him last night.

“You’re not a monster,” Sirius replies automatically – like he always does. “And your situation is different.”

“Oh but that’s not the only thing I cry about,” Remus says easily. “I cry about loads of other things. Like James, when I’m in pain. And I cry sometimes when I’m ill. And of course when I found out I was attracted to boys and not girls, I cried for a week, I was very confused and upset.”

“You _what?_ ” Sirius exclaims as his eyes grow wide and he feels like the air is knocked out of his lungs. For the second time in twenty four hours he feels like he has been punched in the face. But this time it isn’t pain, it’s _shock_. He’s surprised. He didn’t know this about Remus. Of course, he had wondered sometimes, but he had never actually thought that much about it and he was very sure Remus had never mentioned it. Remus flushes a bit, but his voice is calm when he says.  
“I’m gay. I thought you all knew.” He doesn’t exactly meet Sirius’ eyes. Sirius isn’t sure what this news does to him. It doesn’t matter to him, of course, but he is hurt that Remus had not told him.

“How are we supposed to know if you’ve never told us. Did you guys know?” Peter and James both nod and Sirius runs a hand through his hair in frustration. Everyone knew but him?

“I mean I didn’t have a coming out or something, I just thought you had all noticed it by now,” Remus shrugs.

“Yeah,” Peter says. “I thought about it at some point and then at the end of last year you made a comment to James about a guy in the year above us and it was pretty clear to me.”

“Yeah same for me,” James says. “I just noticed so I asked you one day about whether that Ravenclaw boy was your type and you said ‘yeah maybe’ so I just assumed.”

“How have we never _talked_ about this?” Sirius asks, his frustration growing and growing. He can’t understand why it is so important to him, but it is. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it is just important to him that he knows these kind of things.

“I just didn’t think it was necessary, I really thought you knew,” Remus said, shrugging again. His face has become more flushed and he has his gaze directed towards the floor, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, as I’m already the one who’s different because of my furry little problem.” His voice has gone quieter and Sirius is suddenly reminded that maybe his words sounds like he doesn’t accept Remus or that he is disgusted by this new reveal. He hurries over to Remus’ side.

“You know none of us care about this, right?” He says as he sits down on the bed next to Remus. “I’m sorry if it sounded before like I thought it was wrong. I was just surprised that I didn’t know, that’s all. I just felt stupid for not noticing, so that I could never ask or talk to you about it, or tell you that you’re awesome.” He nudges Remus’ side playfully at the last part and Remus finally looks away from the ground and into Sirius’ eyes.

“Thank you.”

“Come here, my dear friend whom I love very much,” Sirius says and wraps his arms around Remus, enveloping him in a big hug. James and Peter rush over and tackle the two of them to the bed into a group hug.

 

 

It’s in those moments that Sirius starts to understand that it’s okay to show some emotions sometimes. It is okay to sometimes feel like everything is too much. It’s okay to cry, and it’s okay to hide and cry but it is also okay to look for a friend to hold you while you cry. He’s glad that he learns it now, because he will need that support more than ever. He knows that after having been confronted with his mother like that, his emotions will spring to the surface at unexpected moments. He also knows the happiness he was feeling before will not come back any time soon. He is sad. The sadness sits uncomfortable in his stomach and even though now he knows it is okay to feel sad, that does not mean he likes it or wants to be sad. He tries to pretend he is fine, laughs with his friends and participates in conversations. But his laugh is a little less loud than before and his comments are not as funny as they used to be.

A week after the parent teacher evening – it had been lovely seeing Mrs Potter and seeing how she cared about him like she cared about James, but there had still been the sadness eating him from the inside, wondering what it would’ve been like to grow up with someone so supportive and loving around you all the time – he runs into Regulus in the corridor on his way to the common room.

 He doesn’t know what to do. He realizes he hasn’t spoken to his brother since they left London this summer, and usually when he runs into him he can hide behind his friends. Now, however, he is completely alone and Regulus is too.

“Hey,” his younger brother says, not unkind. He also seems a bit out of place, not as confident and cocky as he does amongst his group of Slytherin friends. Sirius knows this kinder version of Regulus better, he knows Regulus isn’t a bad person at heart. Only growing up in the wrong circumstances and being too easily influenced, not listening to his own ideas makes him more like his parents than like Sirius. And he wasn’t lucky enough to be sorted into a different house, with people who make him see that there are more options in the world than being evil.

“Hey,” Sirius replies and wants to continue walking.

“Wait,” Regulus says and puts a hand on his arm. Sirius wonders briefly when the last time they touched each other was. Probably when he was about 12 and he thought it cool to pick fights with his younger brother. He looks at Regulus, waiting.

“I… I just wanted to say. I saw Mrs Potter came over for the parent-teacher evening, and I heard she stood in for mum.” Regulus swallows, it is clear that he usually doesn’t word emotions. Sirius knows the feeling. “I saw you. With her. And with James. You looked really good… Really happy. Like a family. I guess you’re moving there now, aren’t you?” Sirius nods, overwhelmed with emotion. He feels like an idiot, never really thinking about leaving his brother behind when he thinks about leaving Grimauld Place. He’s selfish.

“That’s good. I mean, you look like you belong there. In a good way, I mean. I-. Just-. I mean, it’s nice to see you happy with them.” Before Sirius can reply, Regulus squeezes his arm and walks away, leaving Sirius in that empty hallway.

 

 

Remus is the only one in the dormitory, like he often is when he wants a quiet place to read his book. He’s sitting on his bed and just about to turn a page when the door opens and Sirius comes in. He looks distressed, upset even and Remus feels worry overflowing him immediately.

“What happened?” he asks, closing his book and placing it on his bedside table. He gets up to where Sirius is still standing in the doorway, biting his lip a blinking rapidly. He shrugs, then looks at the ceiling and says “Regulus”. A single tear rolls down Sirius’ cheek as he closes the door and then walks to Remus, who opens his arms. Sirius holds on to him to tightly. Remus wraps his fingers in Sirius’ hair and massages his head, knowing it calms Sirius down.

“It’s nothing really bad,” Sirius says to Remus’ shoulder. “It’s just… he was so _nice_. He was so nice and I never even spared him a thought. He’s my _brother_ and I just forgot about him, assumed he liked it at home.”  
Remus doesn’t say anything, just lets Sirius talk while he holds him.

“He said he saw me with James and Mrs Potter and that we looked like a family and that I looked happy and he asked if I was going to move there now and… he was basically saying that he was happy for me and I appreciate that. But it made me feel so shitty because it never even occurred to me that I would be leaving him behind, you know.”

“You have to do what’s best for you, Padfoot. You can’t keep living in that house in the hope Regulus will turn out a better person because you stayed,” Remus says.

“I know. But I’m just hate that I’m so _selfish_ , I just forgot about him. I’m an awful person.” Remus pulls them out of the hug so that he can look at Sirius.

“You’re not an awful person and definitely not selfish,” he says firmly. “In some situations you just have to think about yourself and can’t consider everyone. You’re not selfish. Look at what you did when you found out about me; instead of telling everyone and ruining my chances at staying in school you came up with a plan to _help_ me. That’s the opposite of selfishness.”

“That’s different,” Sirius insist, shaking his head. “I’m awful to my brother. I can’t ask him to come with because he would never want to stay with the Potters but I can’t just leave him behind, can I? I’m no better than _them_ if I do that.” He nearly spits the word _them_ and more tears roll from his eyes.

“Sirius, you’re a good person. You have to make choices for yourself, leaving your brother doesn’t define what kind of person you are,“ Remus says and tightens his arms around Sirius. They’ve always comforted each other and they’ve always been very close, but since that night Sirius was crying in bed, they’ve become even closer. Sirius always looks at Remus whenever he has to deal with some emotions. Remus knows what Sirius needs in these difficult times are more hugs and cuddles and reassuring touches so that’s what he gladly gives him. Sometimes he gets a bit insecure, he thinks Sirius must know by now that Remus likes him, like _that_. He isn’t exactly hiding it, and Sirius knows now that Remus likes boys so he thinks that it must be obvious what boy he likes in particular. But Sirius hasn’t said anything about it, and Remus doesn’t really want to bring it up because what they have right now is so good. He knows Sirius is comforted by the hug he is in right now, and Remus doesn’t want to take that away from him. Besides, he takes what he can get, he enjoys these extra moments with Sirius.

“When you say things like this I really don’t understand how you can ever think of yourself as a monster. Look how amazing you are, Remus, telling me all these wonderful things even though I’m not wonderful,” Sirius says as he pulls out of the hug and makes eye contact. Remus blushes slightly at the words and looks away. He shrugs.

“I don’t think we’ll have to agree to disagree on this topic of me being a monster,” he says softly. He wants Sirius to understand that even though he might be a nice person, once a month he is not even a person, he is a monster, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

“Never,” Sirius says with a grin, “one day I’m going to change your mind about it.”

 

More often than not, Sirius wakes up with Remus by his side. It starts with Sirius having bad night where he’d cry and Remus would come over to comfort him silently, but after two weeks it’s different. It’s night, Peter and James are asleep. Sirius knows that Remus is not asleep, as his breathing is not the soft even breathing it is when he is asleep. Remus has just had a full moon and is out of the hospital wing but not fully recovered yet, and Sirius is reminded of the conversation they had a while ago. Remus said he always cried around full moon.

“Moony, are you sad now?” Sirius whispers in the dark. It stays quiet for a while, and Sirius thinks that maybe Remus is asleep after all.

“Yeah, a bit. Just post-moon sad, it’ll past,” comes the quiet reply. The reply hurts Sirius because it sounds so _normal_ , like it is just a given for Remus that he is sad and there’s nothing he can do about it. He climbs out of bed and walks over to Remus’.

“Move over,” he whispers and starts pushing the cover’s aside. Remus looks up at him, a sad smile on his lips.

“Sirius, you don’t have to-“

“I want to,” Sirius insists and climbs into the bed when Remus moves aside.

“It’s normal, I feel like this every month,” Remus says, turning on his side so he is facing Sirius. “You don’t have to do something about it.”

“I’ll leave if you want me to,” Sirius says and locks eyes with Remus. “But it’s not normal, you don’t have to feel sad all alone. I’m here if you want.”

Remus nods and bites his lip.

“Yeah, that’d be nice,” he says so quietly Sirius almost thinks he imagined it.

“You’re here for me, I’m here for you,” Sirius says simply and then wraps his arms around the boy beside him, hugging him close. He presses a few kisses in Remus’ hair and he feels the boy relax in his arms.

“You’re not a monster. No matter how many times you change into an animal, you’re not a monster,” Sirius whispers and he feels Remus shake his head. But Sirius takes the fact that Remus doesn’t protest to the statement as a win.

They still close together like that until they fall asleep, and it occurs to Sirius that maybe this isn’t exactly what friends do. He shoves the thought aside by thinking that their situation is different. Remus changes into an wolf once a month and Sirius has a family that has rejected him, and they need each other to be reassured that they are not as horrible as they sometimes think they are.

After that, they often just climb into each other’s beds. Sometimes one of them says they can’t sleep, of someone says they are cold, or they don’t say anything. They both know it’s because they like the presence of the other, when the thoughts in their heads are too loud.

 

About a week before the Christmas holidays, Remus and Sirius are studying in the dormitory. They’re sitting together on Sirius’ bed. Remus is trying to explain the whole semester of history of magic to Sirius, because he hadn’t paid attention the whole semester. Remus knows he should probably be annoyed by it, but he doesn’t really mind. He likes having Sirius’ attention, and he suspects that Sirius could easily learn this stuff by himself but he just wants Remus to tell him.  
Remus is in the middle of explaining another Goblin war to Sirius when he notices that Sirius is not listening at all. He nudges Sirius’ leg with his foot.

“I really hope I’m not as boring as Binns,” he says. Sirius blinks and looks at Remus with a guilty expression.

“Sorry! You’re not, not at all. I was just thinking about something else.”

“About what?”

“Oh just, you know, something else than history of magic,” Sirius shrugs and avoids Remus’ eyes. Usually Remus doesn’t really care when someone doesn’t tell him something, but the way Sirius is avoiding the subject somehow makes him curious.

“Well if you want me to keep teaching you, you have to tell me what you’re thinking about, so I can make sure you stay on topic,” Remus says and sits up straight, so he is facing Sirius.

“And how are you going to do that? History of magic is the most boring subject in the world, no matter who teaches it. I mean you’re way better than Binns, but it’s still not very interesting. No offence.”

“None taken. I get your point. I want you to pass your exam though, so maybe you should just try-“ Remus can’t finish his sentence because suddenly Sirius hands are grasping the side of his face and his lips are on Remus’. Remus freezes for a millisecond to process what is happening; this must’ve been what Sirius was thinking about. Then his mind goes blank and his body takes over and he is kissing Sirius back. Sirius opens his mouth and Remus follows and there’s screaming in Remus’ head _Im kissing Sirius!_ He’s wanted this to happen for so long, and it is so different from what he had ever imagined. It’s not perfect, it’s messy and all very sudden but it’s fine because it’s them. They pull away after what feels like only a second and they stare at each other. Remus wants to lean in again but he also wants to talk about this because he needs to understand what is happening. Before he can do either, Sirius eyes grow wide with horror. “I- I’m sorry,” he mumbles and suddenly he is gone out of the door before Remus can even stop him.

Remus has no idea what just happened. His hands are shaking, his lips are numb and his eyes are starting to get wet. This is definitely not how he imagined this moment. He wonders if he’s done something wrong. He’s never kissed anyone before, so maybe he’s just a really bad kisser. Maybe Sirius doesn’t like him. It’s strange, because he really felt like Sirius did like him back. He couldn’t be completely sure, of course, but he had the feeling that the past couple of weeks Sirius had been interacting with him more and differently than before. Especially since they’d slept in each other’s beds more often than not. Maybe Remus should’ve told him how he felt a while ago. He had wanted to, but he didn’t know how and he had been too scared. He wishes he had done it, though, because that kind of rejection would’ve been better than this. This was painful. Remus wishes it was full moon so he could change into an angry beast full of rage, break things without having to excuse himself. He gets off of Sirius bed and walks back to his bed but doesn’t sit down on it; instead he slides down on the floor, so he can feel the cold stone. His back resting against the bed, he closes his eyes to try to stop the tears.

 

 Sirius has no idea what just happened. He has no idea why he had just kissed Remus. Well, he has _some_ idea but he doesn’t think that is possible, is it? He is walking down the stairs to the common room, planning to slip through the portrait hole and sneak outside for a bit so he can think. Could it be that he, Sirius Black, likes the boy that is Remus Lupin? He had always liked Remus a lot, and always cared about him very much, and it is true that when he found out Sirius found out about Remus’ condition he wasn’t scared, he just wanted to help. But is it possible that he actually likes him?  
“Sirius? Everything alright?” Suddenly James is standing next to him and looking at him with a very concerned expression. Too late Sirius realizes that he is wearing a confused expression and he probably looks very messed up. He sighs, bites his lip and then shakes his head.

“What’s wrong?”

“Not here,” Sirius replies and guides his best friend out of the portrait hole to an empty classroom. They sit down on two desks at the front of the classroom.

“What happened?” James asks after Sirius stays silent for a few minutes. Sirius decides he might as well confide in James because he’ll never figure this out on his own.

“I kissed Remus,” he says softly, not meeting James’ eye.

“ _Finally_ ,” comes James’ reply and Sirius’ eyes shoot up to meet the ones of his best friend.

“What?”  
James is smiling. He looks like he just received the best news in the whole world.

“I said _finally_! You guys have been circling around each other for ages, was time you did something about it.” He smacks Sirius’ shoulder. As if that explains it all. He just stares at James, eyebrows raised in a frown. James’ face falls.

“Wait. Why were you _confused_  about this? Did he not kiss you back?”

Sirius feels like he has lost the little sense he made of the world before. He feels as if he is supposed to remember a conversation he and James had had about this. About him liking Remus. Does he like Remus?

“No, he did kiss me back,” Sirius replies slowly.

“Then what’s the problem?” James frowns, trying to read his friend but clearly not understanding what is going on. _Good,_ Sirius thinks, _because I don’t understand it either_.

“Do you think I like Remus? In that way, I mean?”

“Er- Yeah. I do. I thought you just didn’t want to tell me because you still had to figure things out with him, or something.”

“I like Remus?” Sirius asks, and as he says it he starts to realise that maybe he does, because he really can’t say _I don’t like Remus_. “I like Remus.”

“Yeah, you do, mate,” James says, still looking very confused. Sirius is mirroring his expression. “I mean, I think you do. Did you not realise this before?”

Sirius shakes his head. “I’ve never thought about it. I guess just because Remus and I have always been, _us_ you know?” James nods. He knows. “And I mean I guess it just never crossed my mind that I liked him like _that_. But I also never liked anyone else and I think if Remus would get together with someone else I would absolutely hate it. I guess I’ve just never wanted to think about liking Remus, liking _boys_ , because… you know, I’m already different from my whole family and already do so many things that are wrong in their eyes, I didn’t want to be confronted with this.” As he says all this he realizes how true it is and he hates himself for being bad at dealing with emotions.

“You know you don’t have to worry about all of that, right? You know those people are not your family anymore? I am, my – _our_ – parents are, Peter and Remus are,” James says and wraps an arm around his friend. Sirius rests his head on James shoulder.  
“Yeah, I know,” he says. “Thanks Prongs.”

“No worries, brother,” James replies and gives his shoulder a squeeze. “So, you gonna go back to Remus and tell him you’re an idiot and you’re sorry and you looove him and kiss him some more?”

Sirius laughs. “If he lets me,” he says and then gets up, not wanting to make Remus wait too long now that he’s found out he actually likes him, like that.

 

The tears have stopped, but Remus still has his head in his hands, resting his back against his bed and his knees pulled up to his chin. It’s not a very comfortable position, but he doesn’t care. He wonders how he can ever get up and pretend nothing happened. Things between him and Sirius will be different now, won’t they? He at least won’t be able to be the same towards him, not after _this_. He had liked Sirius in that way forever, he can’t just get over this feeling of rejection. From the moment Sirius said he’d found out about Remus’ lycanthropy and not reported him but offered him friendship instead, Remus had started to have feelings for him. And they’d only grown and grown throughout the years. Him and Sirius had always been so close, they’d had such a comfortable, amazing friendship. Sirius always hugged him and touched him and showed him that he wasn’t scared of him in any way. Sirius was the one who came up with the idea to find a way to help Remus through the full moon nights. Sirius was the one who Remus felt most comfortable around, like he never had to hide anything, like Sirius liked him a hundred percent for who he was. But now that’s all changed, because Sirius kissed him and then ran off and Remus can’t pretend that it’s nothing. Because he pretends so much in his life. He pretends to nearly everyone, he doesn’t want to pretend to the person he cares about most. He doesn’t want to pretend it doesn’t mean anything. He wants to, he desperately wants to, but he knows he can’t. There’s no use in trying, Sirius knows and he’ll see right through him. And everything will change. He’s taking deep breathes and trying to pull himself together when the door opens. Sirius sees Remus sitting on the floor and he is with him in no time. He slides down next to Remus, while Remus doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t want Sirius to know how badly he has been hurt.

“Moony, I’m so sorry I ran away like that,” Sirius says softly. “I wasn’t upset with you, I was upset with myself. I had no idea how I felt, so I had no idea why I kissed you.”

“That doesn’t really help,” Remus says before he can even think. He hates how he always speaks without careful consideration beforehand.

“I know. I’m not using the right words,” Sirius sights. He turns to look Remus in the eye. “I mean I pretended I didn’t know how I felt. I was just convincing myself, all this time. I was trying to hide it so bad that I didn’t even recognize it.” Sirius gives a small shrug and a sad grin. Remus just looks at him. His heart is beating so loudly he is convinced the whole common room can hear it. He doesn’t dare to speak, scared that his voice will sound too hopeful for something that he can’t have. Because even though Sirius has said something that is bringing Remus’ hopes up, he hasn’t said the actual words yet. Remus doesn’t want to get rejected again. He doesn’t think he’ll survive it. So he waits. He studies Sirius’ eyes and avoids looking at his lips. Sirius seems to realise he needs to say more, so he continues.

“I had a talk with James,” he says, a real smile forming on his lips. “I realise that I didn’t really think about liking you like that because I must’ve always liked you.”  
There. He’s said it. Remus hears it but he doesn’t fully register it. A smile forms on his lips, though, mirroring Sirius’. He decides it’s safe to speak now.

“What do you mean, you didn’t realise it?” he asks.

“Just, we’ve always been… _us_ , you know?” Sirius replies, still smiling. “We’ve always been close, we’ve always been touchy and huggy. I always think of James as my best friend, but not of you as less, probably as more. And I’ve always felt this natural pull to protect you, to stop you from hurting. And at first I thought it was because you think you’re a monster, and maybe it is also because you think that and I need to show you it’s not true, but it’s also because I just really really like you, like _that,_ and I can’t have you hurt. And I’m not just touchy with you because we’re good friends and we’re comfortable and you need to be shown you’re not a monster, but also because I just really want to touch you.” Remus can’t believe what he is hearing, he can’t believe Sirius is saying all this. He knows though, he knows it is true. He knows what Sirius is saying is all true because it didn’t really need saying. It’s clear from the look in his eyes. The way he is looking at Remus, is the way no one has ever looked at Remus before. And Remus loves it. He knows his eyes are saying the same to Sirius.

“And by touch I also mean kiss,” Sirius grins. “Preferably as soon as possible, for example, right now would be good.”

“Idiot,” Remus says affectionately and leans in, planting his lips on Sirius’. The kiss definitely lasts longer than before, and Sirius does not run away this time.

 

 

 

Sirius is sitting against a tree near the lake. He’s alone, for the first time in weeks. And for the first time in years, it doesn’t feel bad. He knows that if he’s had enough of being alone he can go back inside and find Remus to cuddle with. Or he can find James, or Peter. Or he can write to Mr and Mrs Potter, and get a kind reply. He knows he isn’t alone, and it is the most wonderful feeling in the world. It’s not that he always felt alone before, but he felt like something was bothering him, that there was something wrong with him, that there was something that needed to be fixed. And when he was somewhere alone he started to think about those things and made him sad, or angry. Now he knows that it was more than something; that he is different from his family and different from a lot of people, but that that doesn’t mean it’s bad. He knows it’s the opposite.  
It’s nearly summer now. In two weeks he’ll be going home to the Potter family and stay there the whole summer. Remus and Peter will visit for a while, and Sirius knows it’s going to be the best summer yet. He still can’t believe he is actually going back to the Potter family – his family – for the whole summer. He doesn’t have to set foot in the Black house ever again, and it is the best feeling in the world. He is proud he isn’t part of that family anymore, and that he never really was. Sometimes it still stings though. Not because he isn’t happy with the Potters, not at all, but because it hurts to know that your own family does not want you. After the Blacks had heard that Sirius was now a part of the Potter family, they had never said anything. They hadn’t sent one letter, not to him, not to the Potters. They didn’t try to get him back, or even say how they did not want him back. Nothing. And that hurt, because no matter who it’s from, it’s not nice to know that you really aren’t wanted, that your own family is not willing to put up a fight for you, or even hate you. That they’re indifferent to whether you are there or not. That they just really do not care. It hurt Sirius. And at first, he didn’t want to admit it. Not to himself, not to his friends. Until one day he broke down in front of his friends and cried, and they all supported him and showed him he was loved. And sometimes he still cries about it, sometimes on his own and sometimes with his friends. At first he hated that he cried about it, but now he knows it’s okay to cry about things sometimes. He has people who show him that, people like James and Peter, people like the Potters. And Remus, most of all he has Remus who is always there for him when he cries. It doesn’t make him weak. It does the opposite, it makes him strong, for being himself and showing his emotions, and opening up to the world. Sirius often feels so much better after he’s cried. And he realizes while he sits there, under that tree by himself, thinking about the past school year. That one of the most important things he has learned this year, is to cry.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much if you took the time to read it, please give me your honest feedback :)


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